When people show you who they are, believe them.
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and so it seems appropriate that the Newberg School Board Policy Committee met to consider, among other things, the district’s policy about teen dating violence. If you weren’t paying attention, you might not know about the directors’ discussion regarding this policy, and about one director’s admission that some emotional abuse might just “go with the territory of dating, I’m afraid.”
During the policy meeting, which you can watch here, Director Brian Shannon uses his own teen dating experience to argue that the already-established policy is creating “landmines” for students to walk through, and that students are simply going to decide not to date, rather than worry that they might be accused of committing emotional abuse. The data shows that teenagers aren’t dating as much, Shannon says, and “our species is going to suffer as a result of this.”
It is true, young people are not dating at rates similar to previous generations. There is no data about Newberg teens and their dating habits, though, and statistics about Gen Z and dating show a more complicated picture than Director Shannon would suggest in his comments about emotional abuse.
Choosing not to date at all rather than risk emotional abuse seems like a good boundary to take, actually, and it’s doubtful that our species will meet its end because high schoolers decide not to date. At any rate, here is what the Newberg School District policy currently says about teen violence:
“Teen dating violence” means:
1. A pattern of behavior in which a person uses or threatens to use physical, mental, or emotional abuse to control another person who is in a dating relationship with the person, where one or both persons are 13 to 19 years of age; or
2. Behavior by which a person uses or threatens to use sexual violence against another person who is in a dating relationship with the person, where one or both persons are 13 to 19 years of age.
At the meeting on February 22, 2023, Director Shannon objected to the policy’s first definition of teen dating violence, saying that emotional abuse comes with the territory of dating, and that he himself had “some pretty manipulative girlfriends in high school.” He goes on to say “I didn’t realize I was being subject to teen dating violence that whole time because they certainly emotionally abused me.”
Because the definition is so broad, Director Shannon says, it could just come down to a girl deciding that a guy has been mean to her, and she can report the guy for violence, causing issues for the guy. His suppositions about whether emotional abuse should be part of the description or not get no pushback from the other directors there, and only mild pushback from Human Resource Director Scott Linenberger, who says that the policy is about more than teens being mean to each other; he says that teen dating violence, even emotional abuse, should show a “sustained pattern of behavior.” (Though a moment later, Linenberger admits that Director Shannon’s point is taken, and that not including emotional abuse as part of the policy might be feasible.)
Never mind that Director Shannon chose to use an example of a girl emotionally abusing a boy, rather than recognizing (as data shows) that emotional abuse is used equally by boys and girls in relationships. Never mind as well that the same data shows that emotional abuse is the most prevalent form of dating violence for teens.
The entire meeting is worth a watch. At a time when the Newberg School Board is arguing that parents deserve rights to protect their children from sex- and gender identity-related indoctrination, they are hoping to rewrite a policy on teen dating violence. Doing so would remove significant protections for those who face psychological abuse in their relationships, simply because such violence “comes with the territory” of dating.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
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